Middle age is when you've met so many people,
everyone you meet reminds you of someone else.


Young men know all the rules....but old men
know all the exceptions.


A sure sign of old age is when you hear snap,
crackle, and pope every morning and it ain't
your cereal.


Life is a constant battle to fight off maturity!


Spend your money on booze, women, fast cars...waste the rest.


Race tracks are the only place where windows clean people.


Life is cheap...It's the accessories that are expensive.


There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.


Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.


What would the speed of lightening be if it didn't zig zag?


Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?


Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?


Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?


If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


Why do they report power outages on TV?


It is bad luck to be superstitious.


Why is the word abbreviation so long?


Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


Why is bra singular and paties plural?


Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?


Why does your nose run and your feet smell?


Why aren't wrong numbers ever busy?


Why live a clean healthy life and die of boredom?


No scientific evidence exists that life is serious.


Never keep up with the Jones, drag 'em down with you.


If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle.


"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, I'm stuffed."


Statis Quo, Latin for the mess we're in.


Before you have an argument with your boss take a look at both
sides, his side and outside.


If boned chicken means no bones, what does deboned chicken mean?


I worry about words in the dictionary...How would you know if one
was misspelled?



What is the speed of dark?


A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.


When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.


If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?


If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?


Bumper sticker: Honk if you love peace and quiet!



Things that make you go hhhhhmmmmmm.....or in other words "Duh"!!!

Original art by Jim Warren